“Notes of a Flower Boy” by Ade Toke

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 NOTES OF A FLOWER BOY 1.     I still don’t know the language of loveEvery girl has my father’s face.2.On a summer train ride from Kazan to VolgogradI leave the radio talking to itself at homeThere are roughly 1,137 silences I fill my mother gently into every silence.3.My body is so tiny it takes the shape of anything it is poured intoOnce I poured it in a vodka bottle and it fitted perfectly But a church constantly spits me out, always cursing that I will never be enough. 4.I once had a nightmare where I was happyDied with a wide smile on my faceI was either swallowed whole or euthanasia5.

Мне в России всегда грустно *

Everything is somehow bland and in winter solitude builds an igloo in my heart. 6.Her hair was everywhere and it smelled of coconut oil The first time we kissed, flowers sprouted in my diastema She called them ixoras, I don’t remember her name. 7.I hope I am never ready to be a manI just want to get a nose ring and be a flower boy Sitting down on the edge of boyhood all my life. 8.Perhaps it was some kind of Abrahamic loveI once tried to sacrifice myself.I wanted to please a lover by setting the world on fire

So I used my body as fuel.

*Мне в России всегда грустно – In Russia I’m always sad

Ade Toke was born and grew up in Nigeria, currently studies Engineering at some University in Russia with the hopes of becoming a writer. Toke has published fictions for BellaNaija, a popular Nigerian blog and has worked as a book reviewer with Okada Books. He loves wine and binge watching series on Netflix.

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